If you’re in a relationship with someone who has depression, you might be feeling a whirlwind of emotions and have many questions about how to help a depressed spouse.
It feels frustrating when every effort to help your partner seems to be rejected or ignored. You even start to feel like you’re partly blamed for their depression. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Depression can isolate people, strain relationships, and leave loved ones feeling scared and helpless.
Depression is a circle of anger, overthinking, sadness, and hopelessness. Remember, depression isn’t something you can catch. It’s a temporary condition that can be treated, and most couples get through this. In the WifeSavers Podcast episode “Dealing With Your Spouse’s Depression Positively,” award-winning author Ramona Zabriskie and her husband Dale discuss how spouses can support each other when depression or anxiety affects their relationship.
They explain the difference between depression, grief, and sadness and what depression feels like for both partners. Ramona explains, “Depression isn’t just about feeling sad; it physically alters the brain, making it harder to connect and communicate.” Dale adds, “When your spouse seems distant, it’s not because they don’t care, but because they’re trapped in their emotional struggle.” The episode offers strategies for compassionate conversations, real-life coping examples, and a 4-step approach to help couples work through these challenges together.
Seeing your partner struggle with depression is tough. You want to help, but you do not know what to say or how to help a depressed spouse. This blog gives a natural guide with practical tips and heartfelt advice on supporting your loved one.
How to know if your partner is depressed
It can be worrying when your spouse seems out of sorts. When depression lasts a long time, it can drain your partner’s energy, motivation, and passion. It’s important not to take these changes personally or think they reflect how much they care about the relationship. Try to be patient and go with the flow, even though it might be tough. There are many solutions on how to help a depressed spouse. It’s not about one specific treatment but a combination of small, everyday actions showing you care.
While a mental health professional is essential for diagnosing and treating depression, you might be the first to notice the signs.
Signs Your Partner is Depressed
You might see your partner changing how they eat or drink, acting more withdrawn, or avoiding you.
They might suddenly:
- Cry or get angry more often
- Have less energy or interest in activities
- Struggle to focus
- Drink more alcohol or use drugs
- Show less interest in sex
- Being distant in conversations
- Difficulty with household chores
- Losing interest in past hobbies
- Decreased emotional and physical intimacy
- Less interaction with friends and family
- Changes in appetite (more or less)
- Changes in sleep patterns (trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much)
Research shows that women with depression may struggle with gender-specific expectations in relationships, which can worsen their mood. Men often face different symptoms and may find it hard to talk about their feelings due to social expectations, leading them to withdraw or avoid situations. Health factors, including hormonal influences, can also affect depression.
How to help a depressed spouse?
There are various ways “how to help a depressed spouse”- it just needs to be patient, gentle, and supportive throughout. Here are a few things to try:
1. Don’t be Dr-Fix-it
When your partner opens up, just listen without trying to solve the problem—sometimes, they just need non-judgemental listening to feel heard and understood. Skip the urge to fix everything—sometimes, just being present is enough. Research shows that simply listening to someone can make them feel better than offering solutions. Hence, avoid giving solutions and saying phrases like:
“Just think happy thoughts. I don’t understand what you have to be so sad about.”
“You just need to snap out of this.”
“So many people out there are worse off than you.”
2. Gently Suggest Therapy
It’s perfectly okay to suggest seeing a therapist or counsellor—mental health professionals are there to help! Just be gentle in your approach. You could say something like, “Have you thought about talking to someone who can really help?” It’s about opening up the options, not pushing them. You could also share your experience by saying, “Talking to my therapist has really helped me with this.”
Sometimes, finding a therapist can feel overwhelming. You can help by looking up therapists nearby or making the first call for them. Helpguide shares data showing that 75% of people who receive psychotherapy saw improvements in their emotional and psychological well-being.
3. Be There, Be Patient
There is no expiry date for depression; hence, patience is key. Be there for the small things—whether it’s sharing a meal, taking a quick walk, or just sitting together. Your support in these everyday moments can be really comforting. Remember, helping through tough times is a journey, not something that’s fixed overnight.
4. Prioritize Your Mental Wellbeing Too
When your partner is struggling with depression, it can affect you, too. Take care of yourself—consider seeing your doctor and avoid blaming yourself or feeling like you need to fix everything alone. Being the main ingredient of support for your depressed spouse can add a lot of pressure on you.
Remember, sometimes professionals or others can offer the support your partner needs better than you can. It’s okay to let them take over when necessary.
FAQs: How to Help a Depressed Spouse
Q: How do you help a loved one with depression?
A: Encourage them to see a healthcare provider or mental health professional. Offer support, patience, and understanding. Invite them for walks or outings to help lift their mood.
Q: How to improve your husband’s mental health?
A: Communication is crucial. Talk openly about each other’s feelings and challenges. Set boundaries and discuss how you can support each other while maintaining your well-being.
Q: How do you boost someone who is depressed?
A: Show them you care and are available to listen. Accept them without judgment and gently encourage self-care, like staying active, eating well, and engaging in enjoyable activities.
Q: Can a depressed person have a happy marriage?
A: Yes, depression can strain relationships, but with treatment, couples can address conflicts, overcome challenges, and often strengthen their marriage, making it even better than before.
Q: How to help a depressed spouse?
A: Support them by listening and showing understanding. Encourage professional help, and be patient. Small, consistent actions can make a big difference in their recovery.
How Can Relevance Recovery Help You?
Don’t wait until things get worse and worrying how to help a depressed spouse. Professionals can offer support, guidance, and tools to help manage and improve your symptoms. At Relevance Behavioral Health, we specialize in treating mental health conditions like depression through personalized treatment plans designed for sustainable recovery. Our approach incorporates proven, evidence-based methods to help individuals manage their symptoms and restore their emotional and mental well-being.
This professional support can provide essential tools and guidance for spouses, helping both partners cope with the challenges that depression brings to a relationship. Relevance Behavioral Health offers comprehensive care focusing on healing the individual and strengthening the relationship.
