In the past, while my son was an active user, I would be in constant fear of not hearing from him, or hearing from someone else calling to tell me he overdosed. That happened more than once.
It has been a VERY long road with him. I have had many sleepless nights, many visits to the courts, jail, doctors, having him in and out of over 20 rehabs, not to mention the financial burden.
I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am that my son not only found but embraced CFC, just as they did him. They saved his life. They have guided him in ways that I couldn’t. They introduced him to him, if that makes any sense. They showed him all that he could do. All he could accomplish. They guided him with facing his fears, helping with not only his addiction but with his self esteem. He has had to address his past, the good, bad and ugly.
He is very dedicated to his recovery. He has goals that he reaches, and then makes new ones. I no longer have the fear of getting that dreaded phone call.
I now look forward to him calling me. We have serious and extremely funny conversations. I am VERY proud of him and the man he has become.
I appreciate my Mother’s Day more and more.
Diane Russo, Proud Mother
Diane and her son, Kevin, Business Development at Relevance Behavioral Health
There is a reason they call it the hardest job in the world. Managing being a mother while maintaining recovery is possible using these tools!
Let Go of Resentment
Resentment can be a killer for those struggling with substance use disorder. Holding on to bitterness keeps us sick and holds us hostage and stuck in victim mode. Letting go of resentments and learning to deal with anger in healthy ways is a critical part of healing from this disease of addiction. Moms in long-term recovery have learned how to process anger. They don’t blame others or play the victim. Instead, they have learned how to be assertive without being aggressive. What I’ve learned and tell my clients is to pause when they’re angry or feeling uncomfortable. To step back, breathe, be mindful of their feelings and look at the role they may have played in the situation before reacting. Doing this helps them “respond” and not “react.” Learning to use these tools helped me tremendously.
Establish a Daily Spiritual Practice
Here’s what I know for sure: addiction darkens our spirit. Folks who are flourishing in recovery have some type of a daily spiritual practice. Spirituality means different things to different people. It is important to find a spiritual community, as well as what gives you joy, and do it! Here are some of the spiritual practices I have found extremely helpful in recovery.
Reflection: Unplug from the world. Put down the cell phone, pick up a pen and paper, and write down your feelings, emotions, goals, or what you’re grateful for.
Meditation: Take a moment to let your mind unwind from the stresses of every day life.
Prayer: Find your higher power. It does not have to be religion based. Your higher power can be anything that keeps you grounded, such as nature or your community. Feeling part of something greater allows you to stay connected to what is important.
Volunteer: Find opportunities to give back to others in your community. Helping others gives you a sense of purpose as well as increases feelings of self-worth and strengthens your sense of community.
Practice Self-Care
An important part of healing for moms is learning how to take care of themselves. In long-term recovery, I have learned to slow down and take time for myself. The acronym HALT – hungry, angry, lonely or tired – is always a reminder for me to check in with myself. I tell my clients to be vigilant if they are experiencing any of these signs and to be aware of how they are feeling and why. Remedies that worked for me include:
Examining the physical, emotional and mental risks of substance abuse amid the global outbreak and how to seek proper treatment and support during this time.
There is a somewhat famous quote ‘Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell; spirituality is for those of us that have been there.’ When I present this quote, the people in the room that have experienced the most pain often times shake their heads ‘yes’ quite adamantly. They know that the suffering they have experienced was actually an integral part of the process of opening up spiritually. Some were even ‘religious’ before, but have now become ‘spiritual.’ So what does this word ‘spiritual’ mean and how does it differ from the traditional understanding of religion and, dare I say, ‘God?’ And how does it relate to suffering? From the moment we are born, we immediately use our senses to engage with the external world. Having an extremely limited understanding as burgeoning beings, we use the very visceral dualistic teaching of ‘pain and pleasure’ to dictate our choice of action. This built in survival mechanism is essential for us to stay alive and ultimately perpetuate the species. It is primal…It can also very easily run amuck leading to over-indulgence and ultimately, addiction (suffering). But it’s not the whole story.
Somewhere along the way some great sages understood that this ever-changing external world we live in will never bring us permanent stability. It simply cannot. Anything constantly changing cannot bring constant steadiness. There can be fleeting and even quite extended bouts of pleasure and ease, but an unending source cannot be found in this ephemeral world. Realizing that our understanding of happiness was directly related to our relationship to the external world through our senses- the sages turned away from the external world and journeyed inward.
This is spirituality.
Those sages discovered that if we live outward-in, the external world will define who we are. Name, fame, wealth and everything else external naturally becomes paramount. We are ruled by the opposites of success/failure, acceptance/rejection etc. that the mind has been conditioned to operate in. We become reactors, stuck in a fear based selfish need to survive this threatening, dualistic world of separation. This way of living ultimately leads to suffering. But- when the perspective is completely changed, the sages realized that everything else follows. Instead of reaching our mind into the world through our senses, we turn the mind inward to the deepest spaces within ourselves. It is there, through diligent work and searching, that we find the stability and the strength we need to shift from being reactors to actors in the world, leaving a powerful imprint of service and Love. One could possibly argue that moving inward would promote separation and isolation, but paradoxically we find that, as we move inward beyond the layers of conditioning, we find a deep connection to all- Love and understanding of ourselves and, thus, others.
These sages and saints from all different modalities realized that this mind which is immediately trained from birth to move outward needs some real Jedi training in order to detach itself from this world. Having found and personally experienced this ultimate source of eternal joy and connection to all, they felt compelled to teach others the way to re-connect with their deepest Self (AKA ‘God’ in the external duality of the mind). The sages began teaching principles and practices that could help people find their own personal experience with this ‘God,’ this unifying principle by which we are all connected. These sages and saints have such a powerful presence to them, so unaffected by the world and steady within themselves, that people want what they have. Unfortunately, people’s untrained minds are so firmly rooted in the external world of duality and its black and white ideas that they turn these practices that are intended to help people move along the path to freedom into a rigid shame based system of imprisonment and control. These dualistic followers are still conditioned to see God as they did their own parental or authority figures early on in Life instead of the very divine core of who they really are. These followers become the new teachers and thus, we have the birth of our understanding of oppressive religions and fear mongering gods. Often times, people are very turned off by the word ‘God’ when they initially start their recovery process. Understandably so, since they have had their own personal experience with some interpretation of the word- which could range from the often complete denial of the idea by the intellectual, anywhere through a neutral feeling and up to an extreme resentment at the concept (these resentments are often valid, for a number of reasons including a misunderstanding of spiritual teachings or abuse of power on the part of some preceptor). Couple that with an aggressive 76 year old man yelling at a 24 year old woman in an AA meeting that if she doesn’t find God she will never recover, one can completely understand why any rational person would run for the door and abandon all hope of ever returning. Unfortunately, when that happens we are ‘throwing the baby out with the bath water,’ as they say. Religion, itself, is not a bad thing (the word ‘religion’ is believed to be from the Latin root ‘religare’ meaning ‘to reconnect’ as yoga is ‘to yoke or join’); it’s the people who still operate under a strict dualistic, good/bad, right/wrong framework that completely misinterpret and distort beautiful divine teachings. In recovery we focus on ‘spirituality’- the very sap of religion- a beautiful process of moving inwards and understanding ourselves on deeper levels so that we can find the strength and stability to ultimately live the lives of beauty and joy that we were intended to.
Early recovery comes with a lot of physical baggage that results from years of abusing substances. Even after being successfully detoxed at a medical facility, many times the patient suffers from various withdrawal symptoms known as post-acute withdrawal symptoms, or PAWS, for weeks or even months following. Drug dreams are no different. While not necessarily a physical correlation to the cessation of substance abuse, drug dreams tend to be more of a mental symptom of withdrawal. As with any habit or addiction, it is partially physically and partially emotionally based. Many recovering addicts newly in recovery are bombarded with drug dreams in the beginning and are completely blindsided by the arrival of this not-so-welcome addition to his or her lives. Dealing with drug dreams can be challenging, but it is possible to overcome.
Coping Strategies for Drug Dreams in Recovery
Every night when we sleep, we dream. Dreams are the images created by our subconscious mind during the REM phase of sleep. Many experts believe that our dreams are directly influenced by the encounters and the emotions we experience during our waking hours. It should come as no surprise that many newly recovering people experience what is known as drug dreams, or dreams in which the recovering addict is using or around drugs and/or alcohol. These dreams are often extremely vivid and can leave the individual confused or truly believing he or she has used them even after waking. This is a completely normal portion of the recovery process, especially in the beginning, and should not be a source of shame or fear. However, the dangers posed by drug dreams are very real nonetheless, and it is extremely important for a person newly in recovery to know how to handle drug dreams and the resulting feelings that stem from them.
How to cope with drug dreams
Navigating Drug Dreams in Recovery
The first thing you should do after awakening from a drug dream is to bring yourself back into reality. The vividness of the dream may have seemed completely real, but it is important to recognize it for what it was: a dream. Much like waking up from a nightmare as a child, remind yourself that it’s not real. Many people report feelings of shame or guilt after having a drug dream, feeling as though it is somehow his or her fault that he or she is dreaming about using. It is impossible to control the subconscious mind. It is not that you are not doing enough for your recovery or that you’re failing in any way, it happens to the best of us. Even people with years of sobriety report having drug dreams on occasion. Do not beat yourself up. A drug dream itself is not a relapse.
Many people who have drug dreams fail to report them to any sort of support system out of fear of judgment or ridicule. A great method for battling drug dreams is by being open and honest about them with the people in your support system, such as fellow recovering addicts or your sponsor. By sharing your struggles with others, they can actively offer their own experiences and advice on the matter, as well as reassure you that everything will be okay. Remaining open and honest is a key element in recovery, and since drug dreams typically occur more often in early recovery, it is healthy to begin to practice this level of openness with your support system from the very beginning.
Drug Dreams in Recovery
Understanding the science behind drug dreams
The science behind drug dreams is still not fully understood, but researchers have made significant progress in unraveling their mysteries. It is believed that drug dreams are a result of the brain’s attempt to process and make sense of the experiences, emotions, and memories associated with drug use or the fear of drug use. These dreams often occur during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, which is the stage of sleep when most vivid dreaming occurs.
During REM sleep, the brain’s activity increases, and it is thought to be closely related to emotional processing. This is why drug dreams can be emotionally intense, as they tap into deep-seated fears, desires, and memories. In some cases, drug dreams can even trigger a physical response, such as an increased heart rate or sweating, further highlighting the powerful connection between the mind and body.
Interpreting drug-related dreams: What do they mean?
Interpreting drug-related dreams requires a careful analysis of the symbols present and an understanding of personal associations. It is essential to consider the context of the dream, the emotions experienced, and any personal experiences or beliefs related to drug use. While there is no one-size-fits-all interpretation for drug-related dreams, there are some general themes that can provide guidance:
Exploring desires and cravings: Drug-related dreams can be a manifestation of unfulfilled desires or cravings. They may indicate a longing for excitement, escape, or altered states of consciousness.
Processing emotions and experiences: Dreams serve as a way for our minds to process emotions and experiences that may be difficult to confront in our waking life. Drug-related dreams can provide a safe space to explore and understand these emotions.
Uncovering subconscious thoughts: Drug-related dreams can offer a glimpse into our subconscious thoughts and desires. They may reveal hidden fears, insecurities, or unresolved conflicts that need attention and resolution.
Common symbols in drug-related dreams
Drug-related dreams often contain a multitude of symbols that can be deciphered to uncover their hidden messages. These symbols can vary depending on personal experiences, cultural influences, and individual associations. However, there are some common symbols that frequently appear in drug-related dreams. These include:
1. Substances: The specific drug or substance featured in the dream can hold symbolic meaning. For example, marijuana may represent relaxation or escapism, while cocaine may symbolize ambition or a desire for control.
2. Paraphernalia: Drug-related dreams may include objects such as pipes, needles, or rolling papers. These objects can represent the rituals, habits, or associations surrounding drug use.
3. Settings: The environment in which the dream takes place can provide valuable insights. A dark and chaotic setting may signify inner turmoil, while a serene and beautiful landscape may represent a desire for tranquility.
4. Emotions: Paying attention to the emotions experienced within the dream is crucial for interpretation. Feelings of euphoria or anxiety can reflect aspects of our waking life and provide clues to our emotional state.
The role of therapy in addressing drug dreams and mental health
Therapy can play a vital role in addressing drug dreams and promoting overall mental well-being. By working with a therapist, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of the underlying meaning and significance of their drug dreams. Therapy provides a safe space for exploring the emotions, memories, and fears that may be driving these dreams, allowing for healing and personal growth.
In therapy, individuals can learn coping strategies to manage the emotional impact of drug dreams, develop healthier thought patterns, and build resilience. Therapists may also incorporate techniques such as dream analysis, imagery rehearsal therapy, or trauma-focused therapies to address specific concerns related to drug dreams and mental health.
Promoting overall mental well-being to reduce drug dreams
Taking proactive steps to promote overall mental well-being can help reduce the frequency and intensity of drug dreams. Here are some strategies to consider:
1. Self-care: Engage in regular self-care activities that promote relaxation, stress reduction, and emotional well-being. This can include activities such as exercise, mindfulness practices, hobbies, or spending time in nature.
2. Healthy sleep habits: Prioritize healthy sleep habits by establishing a consistent sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, and creating a comfortable sleep environment. Avoiding stimulants such as caffeine or electronic screens close to bedtime can also contribute to better sleep quality.
3. Support networks: Cultivate a supportive network of friends, family, or support groups who understand and can provide encouragement during challenging times. Having individuals to lean on can make a significant difference in managing drug dreams and mental health concerns.
Techniques for exploring and understanding drug-related dreams
Exploring and understanding drug-related dreams can be a personal and transformative journey. Here are some techniques that can help in the interpretation process:
1. Journaling: Keeping a dream journal can be an effective way to record and analyze your dreams. Write down the details of your drug-related dreams, including symbols, emotions, and any personal associations. Over time, patterns may emerge that provide deeper insights.
2. Self-reflection and introspection: Take the time to reflect on the symbols and emotions within your drug-related dreams. Consider how they relate to your waking life and any unresolved issues or desires you may have. Self-reflection can help uncover the hidden meanings behind the dream symbols.
3. Seeking guidance from experts: If you find that your drug-related dreams continue to trouble or confuse you, consider seeking guidance from professionals specializing in dream interpretation or therapy. They can provide valuable insights and help you navigate the complexities of your dreams.
The 19th-century Danish author, Hans Christian Anderson, wrote “where words fail, music speaks.” Often times, it is difficult to verbalize our deepest thoughts and feelings. We simply cannot find the right words; however music provides a way to do just that. Music has the power to release our worries, fears and uncertainties, take us to the most unimaginable places, free us from negative stress and frustration, and put words to our thoughts and feelings. Due to these benefits and more, music therapy is a growing field. Today, music is being used in a variety of treatment centers across the country and the world. Music is a universal modality that soothes the soul and promotes healing. Think about all the songs you listen to…there is our designated happy song, sad song, angry song, fearful song, fun song, exercise song… the list goes on and on. As a therapist, I am always researching ways to connect with my clients and help them achieve wellness. Sometimes talk therapy is just not enough, and thus having a toolbox filled with various therapeutic modalities is essential. Recently, music has been one of my “go to” tools. Maybe it can be one of yours too! Grab your iPhone or iPod and get lost in the music.
The emotional rollercoaster can be treacherous in early recovery but there are things that the individual can do to make the ride easier including:
* Attendance at a recovery group can be a great way to get support and advice during the early months of recovery. Here the newly sober individual can spend time with other people who have dealt with same challenges. Not only will they find support but also practical advice.
* Regular attendance with a therapist or addiction specialist can help the individual to talk about their problems and learn new ways of dealing with strong emotions.
* Guilt can be extremely destructive in early recovery. The most important thing is to focus on the future and not on the past. The fact that the individual is putting their addiction behind them means that they are on the right track. Once the person has made it through early recovery they can then start thinking about making amends. They have the rest of their life do this. Guilt is one of the main relapse triggers so it should be avoided.
* Medical advice should only be taking seriously if the person giving it is qualified to do so. If people are concerned about their emotional or mental health they should speak to a professional. It could be that they have an undiagnosed mental health condition. They will only be able to resolve this situation by getting the proper medical treatment. Failure to do so could be putting their recovery in jeopardy.
In today’s treatment programs, how often do we talk with addicts about what they want to gain in their lives, rather than what they must give up? Most group sessions focus on “abstinence” and the necessary “avoidance” of people, places, and things. Of course, these conversations are extremely important but talking about what sobriety can ADD to a person’s life is just as important, if not more so. This concept, which may appear obvious, is sadly overlooked.
Maia Szalavitz sheds light on this in her book, “Unbroken Brain.” Using her own first-hand experience with drug addiction, Szalavitz challenges the current treatment policies and asks humanity to look at addiction through a different lens. It was while reading her book that I began to see the deep-rooted flaws in our system.
If our goal is to help people recover from addiction, why do use negative language such as “you must give up your relationship with…” “you can’t go to that restaurant anymore…” “you must choose…” “you can’t do this, if you want that…”? Does this type of language motivate you to achieve a specific goal? For me, this language screams punishment, discipline and fear.
Now, what if we sat in a group session and changed the language; “what would you like to add to your life?” “What have you always dreamed of doing but never got the chance to?” “Recovery opens the door to a whole world of possibilities, passions, and dreams. Let’s all imagine our ideal lives.” This language screams positivity, motivation and happiness! It cries love and laughter and relationships! It shouts why recovery ADDS to our lives and not deprives us!
What language empowers others to make their dreams a reality? Use that language.
By Sarah Fichtner, Counselor at Relevance Recovery
Imagine trying to sit on a three-legged stool. Eventually, if you are unlike me, you may be able to pull it off and balance for a little while. However, with any slight movement you will fall. It is inevitable. Successful addiction treatment needs to ensure that fourth leg is a vital component of the program.
The treatment community has finally embraced the traditional three-legged approach of physical, mental, and emotional treatment, yet continues to lack the fourth leg, spirituality. The physical level of self involves what we do; the mental – what we think and believe; the emotional – what we feel; and the spiritual – who we truly are. Without spirituality in recovery, treatment is incomplete and our we will wobble and fall with only the slightest movement.
here are some ideas that can create an opening for a supportive, recovery-based conversation about developing spiritual competencies:
A good place to start is just listening to what people have to say about spiritual issues. As simple as this may sound, it’s a step many of us haven’t yet taken since we have not been open to having this conversation.
We can ask how people understand the words “spirituality” and “religion,” and if they view them as distinct. Listen deeply to what they say.
We can ask what gives their lives purpose and meaning. For example, the following questions were developed for use by physicians: “What do you hold on to during difficult times?” “What sustains you and keeps you going?” “What aspects of your spirituality or spiritual practices do you find most helpful to you personally?” “Is there anything I can do to help you access the resources that usually help you?”2
If people express interest in gaining spiritual competencies, we can describe some practices that many others have found helpful, such as: prayer, meditation, contemplation, reading inspirational books, journal writing, spending time in nature, taking part in religious services, or volunteering services to others.
We can show interest in and provide support for their spiritual findings and encourage them to stay with practices that support their recovery, and to let go of those that don’t.
Spirituality is different from religion. It has less to do with organized approaches and is more individualized. There are several national polls reliably indicate what our society says and feels about spirituality. They say that spirituality is an important facet in the lives of the vast majority of Americans.
Why would we assume that people with who suffer from addiction are any different? Anything that can support the resiliency of the people we serve should definitely be our business. We must move beyond our ambivalence about including spirituality in treatment programs if we intend to provide holistic, culturally competent, and recovery-oriented services.
By nature, human being are social creatures. Simply put, we need other people. If we are addicted to drugs, there is a very good chance that we surround ourselves with negative people. These are people who will negatively influence us. This can pose a significant problem when we make the decision to stop using and enter a life in recovery. No matter how we got there, whatever path we chose to get clean, creating a positive network of supportive people whose are pretty much aligned with our own can be a daunting task and create a bit of loneliness, especially early on. There is an abundance of research that surrounding ourselves with positive people dramatically increases our chances at maintaining abstinence and living a life in recovery. The social aspects of developing this network are not always easy for us to develop, especially if we are not a “people person” and would much rather isolate and handle things on our own. The following are a few simple steps we can follow to develop this network.
1—engage in some type of fellowship program whereby there are people who have and are going through a very similar experience as you. These can be SMART recovery meetings, Refuge recovery meetings or even a traditional 12-step meeting. Attendance is beneficial to meet new people.
2—asking for help is another critical step. This is can be a difficult step that some of us may struggle with. In the end, we can talk to people, whether at a meeting, or being with family members. Reaching out for help is a critical step and also helps us create an increased level of self-esteem.
3—choosing new friends is vital. Asking questions in regards to the amount of clean time someone has, whether or not they are in treatment, their views on recovery and their level of social involvement in the recovery environment.
4—being patient is often a difficult thing to do, especially when you our accustomed to using drugs, not trusting people, and wanting to be instantly gratified.
In the end, camaraderie and fellowship will increase the level of success you may have will be increased significantly if you develop a circle of your peers to lean on. There is no room for hiding. Social networking and support will be the key to lasting recovery. People persons perpetuate promising plans to progress.
